Patara - Fulham Road, London

When I go out for dinner I often take a pad and pen with me. As I sit there I take notes on what I'm eating, the vibe, the service etc... My husband did it this time round and the results were interesting.

When sitting in a restaurant chatting to the company you're with while jotting down notes you often find that the servers and manager look at you differently. I believe they think you're some highfalutin food critic, so they treat you with a little more care and attention.

Case in point: we arrived, got served our drinks, ordered, and then proceeded to wait an hour to get our starters. The pad comes out and we get our starters within 5 minutes.

My husband is brilliant at this. He takes a bite and jots something down. He glances around the restaurant in the most comical fashion, rubs his chin in a pensive manner and then takes a note. You'd never think this works but we nearly always find that servers smile more and become more attentive.

Our starters finally arrived. We ordered the Satay Trio (a combination of beef, chicken and prawn skewers £8.75) along with the Stuffed Chicken Wings (£6.95). I don't like complaining in restaurants but when spending a substantial amount you expect your food to be hot when served. No such luck with our Satay. We sent it back and the managers excuse was that the kitchen was downstairs and with the weather being so cold that can happen. I'm not buying it. Somewhat luckily they replaced it within 5 minutes (the pad was out at this point don't forget).

So that's how the meal started. I was already feeling let down, but more disappointment was to follow. Our main courses included the Free Range Green Chicken Curry with Sweet Basil (£14.75), the Pad Thai Noodles (£11.95), the Chicken Skewers accompanied by a Salad and an odd Chinese Risotto (£15.50), the Lamb with Wild Ginger and Green Peppercorns in a Curry Sauce (£16.95) and finally the Pak Choi with Oyster Sauce (£7.95).

A breakdown (which I nearly had when seeing the bill) of our meal is as follows: My chicken was smoky and pretty good, the risotto was horrible (no one should ever put the words Chinese and risotto together, they can only be trying to be fancy for fancies sake). The Pad Thai was average, the Lamb was cooked medium rare. I didn't like that but my party didn't mind so I'll let that slide. The best part of the lamb dish were the green peppercorns, which says a lot. And how you can make bland Pak Choi is beyond me..

So for the 3 of us the bill came to £131.85 (including drinks). The food was far below standard. The service was utterly questionable and the vibe of the place was normal, if not a bit contrived.

Never again.

Patara
3/10 and that's mainly because we spent most of time laughing about how bad the food was.
181 Fulham Road
London, SW3 6JN
0207 376 3782
www.pataralondon.com

Eddy's notes:

Shit service.
Starter cold.
Prawn not too prawny.
Nice complimentary pen.
Hot plates but will be cold by the time the food arrives.
Plates are starting to get cold now.
This place needs to up its game if they want to get an equaliser.
Rice - Size - Piss take.
Chicken skewer good - Risotto poor.
Pak Choy under seasoned.
Pad Thai inspiring - my a*se.

The Prince Bonaparte - Notting Hill, London

I have fond memories of whiling away the afternoon on a big sunken couch in front of a roaring fire while eating a really well made Sausage Sandwich at the Bonaparte. I used to go quite often to have a catch up with my dad over a hearty meal.

There's a semi-informal dining area in the back, couches in the front and an open kitchen in between. They serve seasonal food so the menu changes and the food they serve is varied. They have a set lunch during the week where you can get 2 courses for £9.50 or 3 for £11.50 (not bad considering the food is good). You can get things like Steamed Mussels with Coconut and Lemongrass, Mushroom Risotto or Apple Crumble when ordering from the set menu.

My favourite thing to eat was always the Wild Boar Sausage, Creamed Mash and Gravy because I'm a sucker for comfort food (£9.50). It was always consistently delicious and filling (enhanced with some hot Dijon Mustard of course).

It's a good pub, not only because the food is well made but also because the ambience and vibe are both welcoming and comforting.

The Prince Bonaparte
8/10
80 Chepstow Road
London, W2 5BE
0207 313 9491
www.theprincebonapartew2.co.uk

Borough Market - London Bridge, London

Borough Market has been synonymous with food as far back as 1014. Quite frankly it is heaven to me. It's my 'kid in candy store' place. I absolutely, completely, entirely love it. That's the gushing bit over. Now to what they provide...

Aside from selling top notch ingredients they also sell artisanal food to eat on the go (in my opinion some of the best street food you can get in London). It's a labyrinth. A foodies dream. Everything you look at is produced with such care and thought that you can't help but walk around in awe.

If you're going to eat and not just shop for ingredients then you can choose from every kind of food imaginable. I honestly don't know where to begin when describing the variety on offer, all I can say is it's highly unlikely they won't have what you're looking for.

They have everything from Indian, Chinese, British, Mexican, Pastries, Cheeses, Preserves, Sauces, Meats, Hog Roasts, Soul Food to Flowers and Tableware. All stand next to each other with a lot more around the corner. It's never ending and eclectic as hell.

If you decide to go I advise that you get there early as it dies down in the early afternoon and you won't get the true vibe of the market when it reaches its tail end. Part of the fun of the market is the hustle of it all, market traders shouting, smells of fresh food wafting in the air etc...

We had a wonderful Sausage Sandwich with Caramelised Onion Chutney on crusty yet soft bread (£6.50). I have no problem parting with money if the ingredients are good, and at Borough Market pretty much everything they sell is above par.

Borough Market
10/10
8 Southwark Street
London
SE1 1TJ
0207 407 1002
www.boroughmarket.org.uk

Whole Foods - High Street Kensington, London

Organic produce + well sourced ingredients + aggressive monopolisation + controversy + higher prices = Whole Foods.

Don't get me wrong. I like Whole Foods and regularly go to the Kensington branch to buy bread and edamame beans while my husband grinds his own coffee. We don't get much else though as we can't justify paying a pound for a carrot. After we've picked up our bits and bobs I wander around looking at the plethora of incredible looking produce (I've been known to spend hours in there). I often stop by the oils because they always have bread to dip and try. You could honestly skip lunch and just pick on the many samples they put out. Bit naughty.

On the top floor of this mammoth market are the restaurants. It's very much like a food court. Counters of every kind of food you can think of: Pizza, Oysters, Mexican, Lebanese, Japanese, Spanish, Vegetarian, Raw etc... It's all there, but in keeping with Whole Foods prices it's all pretty expensive. Also keep in mind that they don't have this variety in all their stores so it's worth checking the size of the store before heading out to eat. This translates whether you're in England, Canada or America.

I walked around trying to decide on what to eat. I opted to go to Mexico and had the substantial Beef Salad which was served in a Tortilla Bowl and came with Rice and all sorts of other fixings (I would tell you how much it cost but I've blocked it out of my memory - I think around £10, ouch). It was perfectly nice and I liked the fact I could scoop up the Guacamole in the receptacle it came in.

If you're not in the mood for a sit down meal then you can grab a soup, salad (that you construct yourself), sushi, sandwiches etc... But again, bloody expensive.

I know that Whole Foods has been surrounded with controversy in the past but fundamentally I don't care. Whether it's true or not the fact remains that they have brilliant produce, rooms dedicated to cheese, staff that know what they're talking about and where else can you grind your own nut butter?

Whole Foods
10/10
The Barkers Building
63-97 High Street Kensington
London W8 5SE
0207 368 4500
www.wholefoodsmarket.com

Thai River aka Garden and Grill - Portobello Road, London

Portobello Road is a bustling street filled with numerous food stalls, shops and restaurants. When I go I usually grab something from the stalls as the variety is huge and the food is inventive and well made.

This place however caught my attention because it looked nice from the outside. It's on the top floor of a building, slightly removed from the hustle and bustle of the street, which means you can grab a bit of respite if the crowds are getting to you. But be aware that the entrance is quite inconspicuous so you may have to work on finding the way in.

Between us we had the Som Tam (a salad made with shredded vegetables, papaya, garlic and chillies £6.50) the Gai Sa Moon Prai Krob (crispy chicken with fried basil £9.95) the Pad Gaprao (a stir fry made with the meat of your choosing and tossed with chillies, lime leaves and basil £6.50 to £8.50) and lastly the Massaman Curry (£6.95). All were perfectly acceptable. The salad was a good marriage of sweet, sour and spicy. The crispy chicken was a little bland so I adapted it with soy sauce and chilli oil. The fried basil was good enough, but more of a garnish than a substancial part of the meal. The curry was very average. I've had Massamam curries in many different places and this was no better than any other.

With that said the food here is well made. It's not going to win a Michelin star anytime soon but when Thai food is done right it can be very good indeed, and from what I've had they do seem to do it right. My only main issue with Thai River is that it is overpriced and unless you have a voucher I wouldn't suggest going. I do hate it when restaurants up their prices because of their location.

Thai River Garden and Grill
6/10
253A Portobello Road
London W11 1LR
0207 313 6511
www.thairiver.co.uk

The Queens Pub - Primrose Hill, London

The Queens is yet another gastropub but frankly they do serve good food. I've only ever eaten in the pub but you can also go upstairs for a more formal setting.

The food is pretty varied with things like Sea bass with Lemon Butter Sauce (£16), Venison Pie (£14) and so on. It's relatively English in nature but you get the odd anomaly like Cajun Chicken Burger (£8.50).

I know that if I'm going to the Queens to eat I'm in for a good meal. The menu is seasonal and all ingredients are fresh. There's no doubt about that. You can also order small plates if you're not too hungry, medium if you are, or large if you're feeling greedy.

It's a little fancy (I remember sitting opposite Jude Law, Sadie Frost and Kate Moss while eating my Ham Hock Terrine starter a few years back). That's what you get when going to a pub in the middle of Primrose Hill.

The decor is pretty understated but warm and welcoming nonetheless. It was very much my local haunt when I was younger. I liked the fact it was located right next to Primrose Hill Park, a stones throw away from London Zoo and a short walk away from Camden. We often headed over to the pub after a long lazy Sunday afternoon in the park. I have fond memories of those rare London summer days. A park, some sun and a good meal is definitely a recipe for a good day..

The Queens Pub
49 Regents Park
Primrose Hill
London, NW1 8XD
0207 586 0408
www.thequeensprimrosehill.co.uk

Carluccio's - International

I sat next to Carluccio at my dad's wedding. We chatted about food for a bit and he seemed perfectly nice. Unfortunately my experiences at his restaurants in Covent Garden and Bond Street were not so nice.

I went for a family meal at the one in Covent Garden. The restaurant itself was nicely decorated but modest and understated. Olives were already on the table when we arrived. I didn't like them, they had an odd anchovy taste.

I ordered the Courgette Risotto (£10.95) which in itself was perfectly fine if not a little bland. The thing that bothered me the most however was that I waited over an hour for it to arrive. The entire meal was incredibly staggered, resulting in us all having to watch each other eat while waiting for our food. I know a good risotto takes time, however an hour and a bit is pushing it.

The second time I visited the Bond Street Carluccios I had Arancini with a Red Pepper sauce (£7.95). Cricket sized balls made with rice and filled with meat or pesto. This sort of thing is right up my street but these Arancini were just bland, thank god salt and pepper were on the table.

The quality of ingredients are probably high but have the chefs ever heard of seasoning? With that said my view isn't shared by the masses as each time I drive by the South Kensington branch it's rammed, so they must be doing something right. Perhaps I just had bad luck and went on off days!

I think I'm not wrong in saying that Antonio has sold his empire but kept the Covent Garden restaurant, at least that's what I heard. In doing so Carluccios has become more of a brand than the nice authentic Italian restaurant of yesteryear. They even have a shop attached selling branded ingredients like pasta, sauces, peppers etc...

My ultimate feeling about Carluccio's is that it's given a lot more credit and awarded a lot more culinary respect than it deserves. I'm sure if you stop in to have a bowl of over priced and mass produced spaghetti you'd be fine with it, but it wouldn't be anything special.

Carluccio's
5/10
International
www.carluccios.com

Currywurst Express - Berlin

When visiting a new country I always seek out the local food. I think doing that helps you understand the country a bit better.

I wish I hadn't done this when going to Berlin.

We were in Alexanderplatz and stumbled upon Currywurst Express, a German fast food place (I never eat fast food but was willing to make an exception). Here they serve all sorts of variations on sausages. You can have a Bratwurst meal that comes with a drink and chips/coleslaw. That's just one of many things on offer (all meals roughly under €5). I decided to go for the Currywurst with bread.

My gosh. Who in their right mind decided that cutting up a sausage, then ladling tomato sauce on it and finishing it with curry powder was a good idea? What a disgusting combination. Of course I knew I wouldn't like it before I tried it but I had to give it go considering I was there.

I hope, hope, hope that I stumbled on some back luck and that perhaps there are some places in Berlin that serves really good Currywurst. I somehow doubt it though.

Currywurst Express

2/10

All around Berlin but the one we went to:

Bahnhof Berlin Alexanderplatz

(S-Bahnhof EG) Zur

Dircksenstrabe, 10178 Berlin

030 24720552


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Madre Maria Argentinian Steakhouse - Amsterdam

We were starving when we arrived so headed directly to the centre. Madre Maria had a deal on (a meal and drink for €10) so we ventured in.

The restaurant was pretty empty (not a good sign). The options were simple. You could order a type of meat with a salad and a side dish. I had the Steak with a side of Chips and my husband had a Mixed Grill with the same side. His grill comprised of Steak, Ribs and Pork. 

All in all the food was very average and I really felt that not much care was put into the construction of our meal. Moreover the presentation was sloppy and the meat quite tough. I also suspect that the chips were bought not made and probably the dips too.

Eating out in a foreign country is a bit like Russian roulette. You just don't know if you've stumbled onto something special or something disappointing. Unfortunately Madre Maria was somewhere in the middle.

Madre Maria

5/10

Nieuwendijk 40

1012 ML Amsterdam

0203 207164

www.madremaria.nl

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Wok to Walk - Worldwide

The concept of Wok to Walk is one that I really like. Effectively there are three easy steps that stand between you and your meal. First you choose you base (Rice, Noodles or Vegetables), then your favourite ingredients (Shrimp, Tofu, Chicken etc) and finally the sauce you'd like it smothered in (Curry, Peanut etc). Each ingredient is priced accordingly so if you're on a budget you can design it so it's cheaper. You can also opt for the more healthy options such as wholewheat noodles or rice, or low-carb veggie dishes.

The one we went to in Leidsestraat 96 in Amsterdam was bustling but luckily the turnover was fast so we didn't have to wait too long. We picked our selection, placed our order and stood back to watch the 3 women cook it up in their big violently hot woks. These women cooked with such speed and precision. For an avid cook like myself it really was pretty inspiring.

The food was served in Chinese takeaway boxes and the seating was very canteen-esque. Just grab a seat, chow down and get out basically. No frills here. I didn't mind that though and I appreciated that they had Soy Sauce and Chilli already waiting on the table.  

My Chicken with Rice and Black Bean sauce was good. Exactly as you'd expect it to be and a good hearty portion for £7. My husband had the Noodles with Beef and Vegetables in Peanut sauce for around £9. We were both happy with our choices and left full and ready to continue on discovering Amsterdam.

Wok to Walk

8/10 for what it is

Worldwide, check out their site to see if there's one near you.

www.woktowalk.com

La Mollina - Salisbury, Wiltshire UK

We went to Salisbury (about an hour and a half outside London) for a business meeting. We decided to grab some lunch beforehand and having read some good reviews of La Mollina we decided to go. I was wrong to trust said reviews because the food was seriously below par. Ok, some things were acceptable but overall I walked out hungry and left 50% of the meal on the table. To boot it cost nearly £40 for the 2 of us.

We ordered 7 Tapas dishes between us. The Calamari, the Chicken with Garlic and Peppers, the Salt Cod Croquettes, the Garlic Bread, the King Prawns with Garlic and Chilli, the side Salad and the Potatoes with Aioli (each just under £5).

The Calamari was tender but we struggled to find it through all the thick greasy batter. The Chicken tasted like rubber and one bite took me about 10 minutes to chew. And what can I say about the supposed King Prawns? They were more like a King Prawn's tiny little small child. They were also chewy, discoloured and painful to look at.

In the end we ate the Salad, Potatoes, Bread and Croquettes (all of which were perfectly acceptable).

I would certainly not go here again. I think the only reason they are still standing is because they are located in the Market Square, so traffic is good.

La Mollina you are serving unsatisfactory and frankly embarrassing food. It's not all bad but it could be so much better.

La Mollina
3/10
18 Butcher Row
Salisbury
Wiltshire
SP1 1EP
01722 555 888
www.lamollina.co.uk


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The Salt House - Maida Vale, London

I used to go to the Salt House quite regularly when I lived in the area. I always liked the comfy couches and more importantly the food. During the day there was always a pretty relaxed atmosphere and in the evening a nice buzz in the air.

There are several menus to choose from, bar, lunch, dinner, cocktail etc... The last time I went I had the sharing platter off the bar menu (£6.95) comprising of Italian breads, Hummus and Olives. It was more than enough for two, not to mention well presented.

I've eaten dinner both in the restaurant and the pub area. Same high quality standard in both. Gosh I have great memories of the braised Lamb Shanks with Mash (£14.50). The meat was meltingly tender and the mash was really creamy, oooh and that gravy... Yum. Another time I went for the Fish and Chips (£11.50). The fish batter was crispy, the hand cut chips were fluffy on the inside and crunchy on the outside and the tartare sauce was tangy but subtly so. I could't really fault it.

I haven't been since they hired new chef Aaron Craze. Aaron has a pretty impressive CV having worked at the Ivy and Fifteen with Jamie Oliver. He's also published a cookery book so I can only assume that the standard has gotten even better, especially as they boast that 'all produce is sourced carefully from the best suppliers London has to offer.' The menu is also seasonal so ever changing. I just hope the prices don't go up since they hired this semi-famous chef.

And once you've finished your undoubtably delicious meal you can stroll down the street to the famous Abbey Road studios where the Beatles famously recorded.

The Salt House
8/10
63 Abbey Road
London, NW8 0AE
0207 328 6626
www.thesalthouse.co.uk


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