Ridgen Farm - East Sussex, UK

By sheer accident did we find this wonderful place. An apple orchard with a tiny little shop that sells produce and its own fresh pressed apple juice. The lovely lady in the shop was busy labelling the bottles in the back but took the time to give me little tastes of the varieties they make. 

They ranged from the super sour Bramley to the medium Discovery and the slightly sweet Cox. All were delicious but I favoured the tartness of the Bramley. I’m not an apple juice person per say which is why I found it surprising that I’d be so taken by this cloudy sour nectar. 

As you drive in they have an old sign that reads ‘as recommended by Rick Stein’ which is a sweet little reinforcement to how good it really is.

There was nothing nicer than seeing all the apples growing and watching the lady label the bottles while telling me all about the process. We bought 6 big bottles for £12 and because they aren’t widely available we’ve been rationing them.

Rindgen Farm

10/10

London Road

Hurst Green

Etchingham

East Sussex, TN19 7QY

Tel: 01580 879385

http://www.ringdenfarm.co.uk/juice/

Au Petit Versailles du Marais - Marais, Paris

God did I struggle to find a good, genuine Parisian cafe to show my husband what it’s all about (he doesn’t get the big deal about Paris café culture so I was eager to show him). We went to several, none of which were good enough. I wasn’t looking for a bar or a place to get frites. All I wanted was a patisserie serving great cakes and equally good savoury things. After talking to a friend’s mum, a local, we finally got close with Au Petit Versailles.

My husband Eddy has a mighty sweet tooth so his pupils dilated at the sight of the cakes on offer. I on the other hand am more savoury, so I was hit with elation at the sight of the wonderful sandwiches, generously filled quiches etc… I finally decided to be Croqued.

Over indulgence ensued with Eddy getting 2 cakes: a Millefeuille filled with custard and a Chocolate Éclair. Unbeknown to us both, in France éclairs aren’t filled with cream, but a custard known as crème patissière. When you come to know something and love it, even it’s not technically the ‘right’ way then eating it differently can be a let down. So as much as it was good it wasn’t the cream filled éclair he was accustomed to. He thought the Millefeuille was a tad dry too. We’re nitpicking here. It had faults but overall was good.

My Croque Monsieur was delicious. Oozy from the cheese, creamy from the béchamel and salty from the ham. A few sprinkles of black pepper and I was happy as Larry.

On our way out I bought 4 more cakes to take back to London on the Eurostar we were catching later that day. They came to €18. All were good, only 3 made it back though, as cake number 4 called to us while we waited at Paddington Station.

Sitting outside a boulangerie eating cakes and a croque monsieur in a nice part of Paris was what I wanted to show him and I think I delivered.

Au Petit Versailles du Marais

9/10

Rue Tiron

75004, Paris France

Tel: +33 9 71 47 61 89

Cloisters Restaurant - Nutfield Priory Hotel & Spa, Surrey

Cloister’s is the in-house restaurant that resides in the rather lavish Nutfield Priory Hotel and Spa. With silver tableware, crisp white tablecloths it befits the beautifully picturesque landscape that encompasses it.

The expectation when walking into a self labelled ‘fine dining’ restaurant is obviously very high but in this case no amount of attentive care from our lovely 80 year old waiter could make up for the glaring reality that our food was terribly executed. 

Dinner and breakfast was included as part of our overnight package, however if you went off piste with the menu then you had to pay a supplement. My mother did and ordered the Steak for an additional £9.25. She asked to have it medium. It arrived and looked like something a good vet could pull around. Much to my dismay she’s not the complaining type and so she ate around the centre. What a bloody waste. My Lamb with Celeriac Puree and Sherry Jus was perfectly fine. The presentation was the most impressive part of this dinner, especially my Beetroot Cured Salmon and the Ham Hock Terrine starter.

At breakfast I had the indulgent Egg’s Benedict and she has the Full English. I was hoping that they would redeem themselves after the unimpressive dinner but unfortunately my eggs were so underdone that the whites were translucent and snotty in consistency. My poor mother’s second round was the coup de grâce: plain canned baked beans, bland sausages and underdone eggs. I’m sad to say the best thing on the table was the salted butter we put on our toast.

I conclude that because the grounds of Nutfield Priory are so lavish the restaurant feels that it must keep up. It’s therefore trying as hard as it can to be fancy and because of this they’re not paying enough attention to cooking their fantastic produce to the customers satisfaction. It’s sad when such effort is put into something and it falls short. I can’t help but feel sorry for them.

Cloister’s Restaurant
6/10
Nutfield
Surrey, RH1 4EL
Tel: 0845 458 0901

http://www.handpickedhotels.co.uk/hotels/nutfield-priory

Byron - King's Road and in and around UK

One of my husband’s pet peeves is when you order a burger and have to order the fries separately. Whenever we go to a place that does this our dinner spirals downwards pretty rapidly. ‘I just don’t get it’ he cries ‘when the fuck did you have to start ordering your fries separately?’ he shudders. I agree with him of course, and now try to avoid restaurants that feel it’s adequate to serve you a lonely burger on a plate with nothing to accompany it. 

And so there I sat at Byron Burger with a pissed off husband with no chips. I had the Chilli Burger consisting of Green Chilli, Cheese and Chipotle Mayo (£8.95) and Eddy had the Byron consisting of Bacon, Cheese, Red Onions and Byron Sauce (£9.25).  They are generally cooked medium but I asked for well done, Eddy stayed pink. The burger was fine, filling, and utterly forgettable.The green chilli was none existent though and that annoyed me because it was the only reason I ordered that particular burger. The chipotle was undetectable to boot.

I ordered some fries to appease dear Eddy along with some Macaroni Cheese (£2.95 and £3.75 respectively). Both were average.

There are 31 Byrons in London and a few dotted around the rest of the UK. I won’t be visiting any of them.

Byron Burger

4/10

In and around London

www.byronhamburgers.com

Carwash Diner - Hurst Green, East Sussex UK

The 50's diner pastiche was overwhelming when walking into this place. Hidden behind a large carwash, you’d be hard pressed to find it unless you were actively seeking it out, maybe not such a bad thing.

It’s unashamedly gimmicky with its blue leather booths, checkered flooring, pool table and old skool jukebox. The food was equally gimmicky.

We stopped in because we were having a weekend out of London and it happened to be on route. The first notable thing was the fact it was nearly empty. A few booths were taken up with families and children but the remaining seats were cold. Not only the seats: it was warmer outside.

We sat at a booth and ordered the Chicken Burger with Tarragon Mayo (£8.95), Fried Mozzarella Sticks (£6.50) and Pulled Pork Sandwich (£8.50). The burger came with a mountain of skinny chips which is always good, but the chicken itself was bland as anything and I was hard pressed to taste any supposed tarragon in the mayo. The pulled pork was meagre and stuck between two soggy bits of Hovis  The mozzarella had been fried and allowed to cool so it had re-hardened (the waitress didn't expedite and as she walked back and forth passed the plate I could feel both the sticks and myself getting more and more tense). The sweet chilli sauce it came with was also clearly out of a jar. I'm saddened to say that an American would undoubtably scoff at all of the above.

Of course I didn’t expect much else from a diner stuck behind a carwash in the middle of nowhere, and in this instance my doubts were realised. I walked out feeling unsatisfied and wondering why they put so much effort in their decor and little on their food. I'd much rather have a killer chicken burger in an outhouse than a very mediocre one in a try-hard themed diner.

Carwash Diner

5/10

Horseshoe Garage

Hurst Green

East Sussex, TN19 7QY

Tel: 01580 860370

www.carwashdiner.co.uk

Marché des Enfants Rouges - Paris, France

I had read from various places that this was one of the markets not to miss when visiting Paris. It’s the oldest covered market and with all the good press I was excited. When I first walked in around 10am on a Saturday the market was bare. The fruit, vegetables and fish stalls were impressive and the smells were lovely, but it wasn’t the bustling, energetic foodie’s dream I had envisaged.

Luckily we returned later around 2.30pm when we were blown away by the transformation. I couldn’t believe it. Dotted around the previously quiet produce stalls was a rotisserie, a very authentic looking Moroccan stand (selling the most incredible looking tagines). A place for gourmet looking burgers, and my favourite of all, a galette stand run by the highly entertaining and very French Alain Miam Miam. I know it sounds stupid but I couldn't have told you the difference between a galette and crepe until Mr Miam Miam told me that they were the same thing, just galettes are made from buckwheat flour.

I only ate at Mr Miam Miam’s stand while there because I was intrigued by the amount of people queuing. I wanted one of what they were having. My galette was filled with oozy cheese, some ham and my husband's addition of caramelised onions. It was tasty, huge and reasonable at €6.50.  I think however that Mr Miam Miam’s line of queues and therefore success comes from his showman manner and the fact he is heavily generous with his fillings (but my god is he slow in his delivery). As I watched him make each one I couldn’t help but wonder how he made any kind of profit. He stuck so many things in each one as though he was trying to fit a suitcase in an overnight bag.

I can now see why people recommend this market and when I head back to Paris I’ll be going there again. This time for one of those brilliantly authentic looking Tagines I think. But I'll have to remember to go early to avoid the horrendous lines, and to pop into the wonderfully smelly cheese shop that lives right next door.

My husband's perspective:

Marché des Enfants Rouges

9/10

9 Rue de Bretagne

75003 Paris, France

Tel: +33 1 48 87 80 61

www.les-enfants-rouges.com

https://www.facebook.com/ChezAlainMiamMiam

Benihana - King's Road, London

With Benihana you’re not going out for food, you’re going out for a theatrical experience. The Teppan hot-plate is the stage and the chef your star. You sit around this hot-plate, next to strangers (if you’re not part of an adequately large group), and watch as the highly skilled chef makes music with the salt and pepper shakers, banging, knocking and throwing them in the air until they finally season your Miso Cod (£38), Hibachi Steak and Chicken (£37) etc…  NB: all proteins come with sides such as rice, salad and veg (mind you I was given 2 bits of courgette and a few red peppers, so not really a side in my opinion).

The experience is where you spend your money at this chain because the food is average at best. I’ve had far better take-aways. The portions are also relatively small and for all his efforts our star chef was far better at providing a show than taste. £38 for a small bit of sickly sweet Miso Cod? If you weren’t so entertaining chef I’d stick you on that Hibachi myself to bulk up our portions.

I felt that the service was lacking too. Not in the sense they were inattentive but you got a real feeling that they were working on a schedule. I looked away for a minute and my Onion Soup starter had been whisked away. A ‘hurry up, we have to crack on’ feeling ensued.

The bill came to a whopping £115 for 2. If you want to go out for dinner and a show then you could couple them together and go here. Just be aware that the show is better than the food.

Benihana

6/10

77 Kings Road

London, SW3 4NX

Tel: 0207 376 7799

www.benihana.co.uk

First Floor Restaurant - Portobello Road, London

In my opinion First Floor Restaurant is a little odd. It lies on top of a pub smack damn in the middle of Portobello Road and If you blink you’d miss it. I did, and I’ve been down Portobello more times than I’ve signed my name.

The pub downstairs looked nice enough from the outside but it gave little insight into what to expect when heading to the first floor. Struck by crisp white tablecloths, chandeliers, candles and statues we entered with a little trepidation (we only went for Sunday lunch so all of the fanciness felt a bit much). 

The bad points to begin with: Eddy was a bit bothered by the fact we were sitting in lavish settings and his knife looked like it had been wiped clean from the previous customer. A quick knife change from the table behind us solved that but shouldn’t have been needed. Also their decor was heavily reliant on melting candles. So the radiator next to us was effectively made of wax from the years of dripping that it endured. And finally the service. It was not at all bad but a tiny bit slow. The food came out pretty promptly but I saw the waitress cutting our bread and leaving it there on the side for at least 5 minutes before she brought it over. Small things, but they matter.

Eddy and I opted for the Sunday lunch, mine Chicken, his Roast Rib of Beef. The myriad of accompaniments were vast so with each bite came a new combination of flavours. My roast chicken came with a yorkie, braised red cabbage, a meagre, thin and flavourless serving of bread sauce, an annoyingly perfect disk of stuffing (give me a good dollop of steaming stuffing, it's Sunday lunch!), and all the standard veg. His was relatively similar, with the exception of a horseradish sauce, and both were not bad at £14 and £16 respectively.

My friend Rosie was there too and being a veg she was happy with the choices they had. She went for the Lentil and Quinoa Burger with Triple Cooked Chips (£11). We joked about the fact that restaurants these days feel the need to tell us that our chips are cooked three times. Does it honestly make them taste better if we know that fact? They were chips. Good and crispy, normal, standard and fine. A note to all restaurants: save the ink and just print ‘chips.’ It makes no bloody difference how you cook them if they taste good.

She was ok with it and that instigated a debate about the fact that these days you often find that going out to a restaurant is nice. It’s just nice. The food is ok, the vibe ok, the service ok, but I remember a time when going out for dinner was an experience and seemingly now if you want that you have to take out a small loan to do so or queue on a waiting list for years. Rosie works with Mr Blumenthal on commercials and states that he gave a much coveted table to a crew member. That bumps one of us down the line til 2020.

I'm very aware of my misgivings but I can say that I cook better than most restaurants I eat at. I know this, but when I go out I do so partly for the break of cooking and to review the food. And with that I can honestly say that in the last year I have been to only 2 restaurants that I’ve thought I couldn’t do better at at home.

So all in all it was nice. Just nice. The decor and opulence made it feel like more than it really was. If I had that lunch in a pub I’d review it higher but I expected more because of the surroundings. It’s an amazing building and beautifully decorated but the food didn’t live up to it’s decorative charm.

First Floor Restaurant

7/10

186 Portobello Road

London, W11 1LA

Tel: 0207 243 0072

www.firstfloorportobello.co.uk

Bull's Head - Royal Parade, Chistlehurst

Dad,

If you're looking for a dog friendly place to have a pint when you're next in Chistlehurst then try the Bull's Head. I wouldn’t rant and rave about the food, but it’s passable.

I liked my Venison Sausages although the Rosemary and Garlic Mash just tasted like potato and the Red Wine Jus wasn’t really very strong or plentiful (not bad for £10 though). I think Eddy was ok with his Fish and Chips (£11.95) but he did say that the one he had the other day at a pub near work was better. He mentioned that the Fish batter wasn’t really very crispy, which was a shame.

The funniest part though was watching Gaby’s face as she chewed and chewed, and sawed away at her Veal Chop. I felt bad for her because she loves veal and wild mushrooms and she was expecting greatness for £14.95 but was pretty disappointed.

It’s a nice place with a hotel above it. I walked past the kitchen and it looked clean, as were the toilets so if that’s anything to go by then I’d imagine the rooms are nice.

It felt like it was trying to be a little fancy for fancy’s sake, or perhaps it was simply a little confused. That’s to say as it’s so close to London it felt like it was still deciding if it wanted to be a gastropub or a country pub. It’s trying to be both at present.

I’d only go back to accommodate Chili because it’s nice having her at our feet all calm and content as we eat. I hate the idea of her being in the car while we’re eating. But that’s pretty much the only reason I’d go back.

Bull’s Head

6/10

Royal Parade

Chistlehurst, BR7 6NR

Tel: 0208 467 1727

www.bullsheadhotel.co.uk

The Bell Inn - Ticehurst, East Sussex

Hi Gabs,

We were in your neck of the woods last weekend and ended up spending the night in Ticehurst at the Bell Inn. It was gastro pub meets roaring fire country pub meets funky and well designed bedrooms. The combination worked.

As a Londoner heading to the country for a weekend I think I tend to look for 3 things: an expanse of green space, country markets and farms and a slower pace. This time I got all three.

We booked ourselves a table in the pub restaurant and good thing we did as I came to realise that on a Saturday night the Bell was indeed the place to be. To get one of their seven rooms on a Saturday night would be a feat until the end of the year but the restaurant seemed to be equally popular. 

My starter of Curried Parsnip Soup with Onion Bhaji sounded interesting but was a little bland. I always think that if you’re selling an idea of cuisine i.e: India - hot, fragrant, spiced, then you should live up to that and unfortunately this needed a lot of salt and I asked for some fresh chillies. Eddy’s Crab with Toast was wonderful however. The crab was chunky, flaky and certainly fresh. I wanted his but he didn’t want to swap!

My main of Belly Pork with Mash and Black Pudding was nice but the pork was far too fatty. The ratio of meet to fat must have been 30 to 70, which was too much for me. Everything else on the plate was perfectly fine though and I had a few bites of Eddy’s Spanish inspired Cod with Chorizo/Tomato Stew. The Cod he was given was ample and moist and the stew was flavoursome. Again he didn’t want to swap.

We ended with the Sticky Toffee Pudding. No faults to note there.

The vibe and feel of the place was pleasant and although the food was not a total hit I forgave it because the rooms and people were lovely. It came to £54 including drinks and for what we got we were happy to pay. 

The following morning our included breakfast was brilliant. My Eggs Benedict hit the spot. Eggs were perfectly runny and Eddy liked his Full English. We sat in the same spot that we’d had dinner, but this time we were alone and the sun was melting the previous nights frost. A peachy end to a lovely night.

I think the rooms were my favourite part though. They were done so well and with such thought and taste and I know some people wouldn’t love this but we revelled in being allowed to have our dog in our room with us. It was also nice to have her at our feet while we had brekkie.

The Bell Inn

8/10

High Street

Ticehurst, TN5 7AS

Tel: +44 (0) 1580 200 234

www.thebellinticehurst.com

Kurobuta Pop Up - Chelsea, London

Dear Sally,

So I must tell you about Eddy and my lunch on New Year’s Eve. We wanted to go somewhere a little more special considering the day and I found a place called Kurobuta on the King’s Road. It labelled itself as a ‘pop up’ restaurant because it was only meant to be there for a short time while their flagship restaurant in Marble Arch was getting set up.

At any rate in talking to the manager we discovered that they were a hit on the King’s Road and so were attempting to extend the lease. We didn’t care much about whether they did or didn’t, well not until we’d finished eating.

It was fantastic. Not cheap. But one of those restaurants you eat at that stays with you and that you end up comparing all others to. In actual fact every restaurant we’ve been to since has been a bit blah by comparison. 

It was a little odd at first because the manager explained that the dishes they served should be thought of more as tapas, and so 2 or 3 should be ordered per person. I could feel Eddy’s wallet getting thiner (the 2 small Lamb Chops were £15.50). 

We went forth starting with the Miso soup which was quite frankly the best I’ve had. We followed that with the aforementioned chops, and then notably the Chicken with BBQ sauce (£13), Sweet Potato Fries with a not very spicy but still delicious Jalapeño Dip (£4), and Crispy Skin Duck Confit with Watermelon (£14). A few others came and went, all delicious, all devoured.

As you know I'm not a dessert person but this one I’ve since dreamt about. Seriously, I’ve laid in bed thinking that if Eddy walked through the door with that Pistachio wonderment in toe (or hand) I’d marry him all over again.

This long rectangular plate consisted of a very clever mix of textures and flavours. Contained were Pistachios, Pistachio Cake, Chocolate Mousse, Pecans, Blackberry Candy and sour bursting fruit. I’ll just break it down because otherwise this’ll turn into an essay: Cake - moist to a fault, Mousse - rich and slightly bitter, Pecans - sweet and crunchy, the wild card of Blackberry Candy - soft like jelly, sweet (cleverly made to look like a fruit pastille), and along with the sour pops of fruit made this desert sing like your favourite singer. Just sublime.

If I could I’d go there once a week, but £90 for 2 for lunch is a little more than we can justify spending weekly. Nonetheless that hasn’t dissuaded me from returning. I’ve thought at length about the ingenuity that goes into creating a menu such as they have. They’ve mastered the art of spicy, sour, sweet and salty that Japanese food is synonymous with, but with that they’ve added texture and a little funk (not surprising considering it was opened by a Nobu chef).

It’s described as an Izakaya (a Japanese drinking establishment that also serves food) but it’s so much more than that. The food mustn’t take a back seat to the drinks, but in saying that I love the fact they put equal effort into both.

Without a doubt in my mind I’ll be back there because Mr Lease was kind to them. And with their new lease of life comes new mains. Sashimi Pizza and Wagyu Beef Sliders are part of the new ‘Junk Food Japan’ section of the menu. 

The whole thing works. They march to the beat of their own drum, and I like their beat.

Kurobuta

10/10

251 Kings Road

London, SW3 5EL

Tel: 07845594910

www.kurobuta-london.com